The inside of a trial - my blog
by Renee Eaves on Thursday, 22 September 2011 at 20:14 · 
Leading up to my trial I stuided every single law I could get my hands on regarding arrest, handcuffing, excessive force and police policy. I would take my little boy to kindy and have my head stuck in books all day and sit on the internet researching. I would pick him up do the nightly routine of bath dinner story and bed, then stay up most of the night trying to understand the laws and various interpretations of them. It was no mean feat given that I am a single Mum have have no legal background.
Since the incident in 2006 where I was dragged out of my home pregnant in handcuffs for an alledged traffic matter and decided to take legal action over this my life had taken a much different more spirtual turn.
I really beleive what you fight against weakens you, but I also whole heartedly believe in standing up for yourself no matter how big the bully. I was really torn for many years between these two things. I wanted to be true to myself but I didnt have any anger left in me to fight. I was intent on seeing the matter through but not from a place of anger.
The matter had dragged out for so many years that Id run out of money to keep it going. The police have very deep pockets, so I always knew it was going to come down at the end of the day to me and only me, against them. I dont think that fact sunk in until I was walking into the courtroom.
I sat online and tried to google people that had sued the police self represented and won and couldnt find any, so then i looked for people self represented and lost, still nothing. Surely there is one, and Im sure there is, but I couldnt find them. It was my intention to see who had done that and get some much needed advice. There was literally no one to ask. I realised at that point Im it.
As I walked through the corridors of the court I felt as if I was walking through the middle of an army. The energy was very intense. I had my 3 best friends in toe to give moral support. One of my girlfriends that was going to sit next to me and pass me papers got overcome with anxiety and couldnt think straight as we walked into the court room. She tried to pull herself together and said its ok I can do this, its ok its ok, her repeating that over and over led me to beleive she wasnt at all ok, then she started going through the brief case of the opposing side nervously. To which he jumped up to ask what on earth she was doing. In hindsight its rather humourous but at the time she was so riddled with fear I told her best she sit in the gallery and Id be fine. Given that she was just going to sort papers and was overcome by the court you could imagine me handling the matter myself - I was 500 times worse. She said when she heard someone say Eaves vs Donelly and that state of QLD she just thought it sounded enormous and it was only then that she comprehended what a big deal it was.
I sat at the bench before the judge entered and went into a deep deep mediation to try ground and centre myself. Ive always loved that statement about peace meaning not to be away from chaos its means to be right in the middle of it and still be calm in your heart. One of my friends positvely called out from the gallery 'go erin brocovich' bless her, to which I replied what do you mean Erin Brokovich? Erin Brocovich had a lawyer. It was daunting sitting at the bench alone, there is no word quite appropriate other than daunting. It had taken me 5 years to get there and I didnt want to blow it. Anxiety is an understatment.
One of the barristers leaned back and said to one of their other solicitors - we will be out of here lunchtime - 3pm tops. She was the barrister that spoke throughout the matter, Id previously seen her at mediation and wondered if she really was a woman, hard as nails, more so than any man Ive ever met. Like what you would imagine when you think of a head mistress at an all girls private school. So making it to day 4 was an achievement in itself. She was hard when the judge was there and in between breaks the kind of comments made to me were one that a bully would make at school while the teacher isnt looking.
As the judge entered he explained that someone was going to win and someone was going to lose, and was I aware of that? To which I replied. Id never treat a fellow human being the way I was treated on that day so Id already won. After I said that I felt this big weight lift of my shoulders, as if the outcome was not as important. I was trying to stay a little realistic, I was in their playground afterall. These people had spent years to get not only getting law degrees but then working in law. In saying that, I also had faith that something much bigger than any of us would support my journey as I stood there.
As the first day began, the other side popped up numerous times like a jack in the box and gave arguments as to why the matter should not be allowed to proceed all that I could hear was under setcion 236 of the civil such and such procedure 431 and the policy 847 of the injury act in 2005 pertaining to new legislation in the case such and such vs such and such, and I thought to myself if I even listen to this Im going to get bamboozled and lose my way, I had no way of matching it. So I went into my shell knowing all they were really telling was 'a story' I knew what happened, I knew it was wrong, and unlawfull, and I just wanted the chance to put it to the judge.
Instead I responded to all her objections to proceeding as a normal person speaking common sense. "Your honour this arrest was unlawful". The Police have very deep pockets, it was always going to be a case of who would run out of money first, and it seems it was me. I dont think that is a good enough reason for justice not to prevail. Very well he said. And in Judge terms he sternly told the other side he would be allowing the matter proceed.
My folders containing all my paper work had big pictures of OPRAH with a caption that said "AH HA - THE POWER OF A MOMENT" and Oprah hands in Prayer, smiling at the sky. All my papers were held on the bench by various healing crystals as paper weights. And I had an ark angel michael pendant on my belt. Im sure they thought they had the whole matterr in in the bag, a self represented single mum that walks in with crystals as her defence and legal folders covered in pictures of OPRAH. They were rubbing thier hands with glee, I guess thats the reason they didnt see me coming. I expect they thought I was somewhere between legally blonde, erin brockovich and a hippy.
The good thing about them dragging the matter out for nearly 5 years was that not only did i have time to heal, it gave me time to go over the incident and most importantly I matured. I always believe that every thing happens for a reason and everything in our life is an opportunity to grow at a soul level. And like anyone that goes through turmoil, there are various emotions to get though such as anger sadness even depression, before you come to acceptance or forgiveness. I dont think I missed much in the way of the emotional scales. Not only regarding what orginally happened but the challenges I was faced by suing a massive entity that fights more fiecely than any other, and has the resources to do what they like to you means its a frightening journey too. For example the day before my trial I receieved an email in error from the crown law explaining that they were trying to hack into my face book account and couldnt, so they would ask the justice department to get them in for them. I knew it was wrong that they could not use their relationship with the justice department to start going through my private conversations because I was suing them. Those powers are to be used against crime not because they dont like being sued. But what was I going to do about this unjust situation contact the justice department? call the police and make a complaint... sue them? I kept the email and realised I needed to focus on my case. Id been talking to a friend thats a lawyer in the States, so it wasnt a great feeling knowing they probably knew alot of what Id prepared. For the next week I rang people from phone boxes and used other email accounts from computers in shopping centres. No point crying over spilled milk I had to accept in a sense thats what I was up against and be smart about it.
As the days of trial went on it was a rollercoaster journey, my least favourite experience was being cross examined by the crown law. They threw alot of rubbish at me to which I had to respond. I promised myself I would stay strong but when the judge asked me to re count the day of my arrest from the beginning I felt it all over again. I started shaking and crying and then got annoyed at myself because I didnt want to let the officer see me in this weakened state. I have a new understanding of how painful it must be for victims of any situation to have to re count it all to get justice. Then I told myself Renee why do you care what someone that did what he did thinks? The barrister delighted in it, she fought even harder while I was down she either delighted in it or she should get an acadamy award because it sure looked like it.
I felt like I had gone to war that day they cross examined me and because I was still under oath I could not speak to one single person about the case. I came home and sat on the floor of the shower and sobbed uncontrollably till the water ran cold. I wanted to call my friends for support and to ask what they thought of the day or of the case so far but legally I couldnt. So i sat by myself and undertook the biggest lesson in turning in. Finding that place inside. Because its there that you find your strength.
The best part of the trial was cross examining the officer, I had ace card after ace card up my sleeve and I liken it to being in a boxing ring little punch little punch little punch in a corner - then POW.
There is a very different feeling having a legal team represent you and representing yourself. You would think you would feel indestructible and more intimidating with a legal team, but I can honestly say regardless of the army they had, I felt I unleashed a strength that even I didnt know that I had standing up and representing myself, my beliefs, my understanding of the law. I only wish anyone that had suffered got the opportunity to stand up to the perpitrator in that environment.
During cross examination I put him through what I had been through the previous day when being cross examined and he looked drained of life and went home under oath like me, unable to talk to anyone. My favourite part was seeing him deny certain things said on the day of the arrest, i let him deny as much as he wanted to, then pulled out audio to support my claims, and then seeing him attempt to find a way out. He answered with a lot of tangled answers that would confuse anyone, but as he did that I stared at the carpet beside me and started alligning and clearing my chakras. After wards people asked me what I was doing because apparently I looked like I was there but I was in another world momentarily, I felt it was important to try and have no ego, to respect him as a human being, to asked the questions clearly and firmly, I didnt want to reek of a victim that was after revenge, and I refused to buy into his story. If I let him hook me I would have responded very personally and I couldnt afford to get personal I was my lawyer.
On the 4th day of the trial I couldnt help but lean back and say to the barrister that was so sure we would be out of there lunch time on day 1 - Oh my, we live to see another day!
As the formalities were over the judge decided to take the matter away to make a decision but regardless of how much I am compensated I already feel as if I have won in the true sense of winning. I began to walk past the officer as i left the bench and noticed although the police force sent representatives- the whos who of who, he didnt seem to have any friends or family. So I turned around before walking out the courtroom walked up to him in front of everyone in the gallery and said I just wanted to say to you that I forgive you, Happy people dont treat other people the way you treated me and for that Im sorry, I just needed to see this matter through to the end and that when we both walk out this door I no longer hold annomosity towards you. He looked at me with the most sincere face and said "Thankyou" I walked by his barrister and winked at her, her black cloak, her wig, her trolley of folders, and wondered why I was so scared to start with, there was nothing truly powerful about her at all. Id just forgiven someone I thought I hated because I had compassion that he was there alone, to me that is powerfull. There wasnt a dry eye in the gallery. And with that being said I picked up my folder with OPRAH on it that said "AH HA THE POWER OF A MOMENT" and realised I myself had actually just experienced the true power of a moment.
Since the incident in 2006 where I was dragged out of my home pregnant in handcuffs for an alledged traffic matter and decided to take legal action over this my life had taken a much different more spirtual turn.
I really beleive what you fight against weakens you, but I also whole heartedly believe in standing up for yourself no matter how big the bully. I was really torn for many years between these two things. I wanted to be true to myself but I didnt have any anger left in me to fight. I was intent on seeing the matter through but not from a place of anger.
The matter had dragged out for so many years that Id run out of money to keep it going. The police have very deep pockets, so I always knew it was going to come down at the end of the day to me and only me, against them. I dont think that fact sunk in until I was walking into the courtroom.
I sat online and tried to google people that had sued the police self represented and won and couldnt find any, so then i looked for people self represented and lost, still nothing. Surely there is one, and Im sure there is, but I couldnt find them. It was my intention to see who had done that and get some much needed advice. There was literally no one to ask. I realised at that point Im it.
As I walked through the corridors of the court I felt as if I was walking through the middle of an army. The energy was very intense. I had my 3 best friends in toe to give moral support. One of my girlfriends that was going to sit next to me and pass me papers got overcome with anxiety and couldnt think straight as we walked into the court room. She tried to pull herself together and said its ok I can do this, its ok its ok, her repeating that over and over led me to beleive she wasnt at all ok, then she started going through the brief case of the opposing side nervously. To which he jumped up to ask what on earth she was doing. In hindsight its rather humourous but at the time she was so riddled with fear I told her best she sit in the gallery and Id be fine. Given that she was just going to sort papers and was overcome by the court you could imagine me handling the matter myself - I was 500 times worse. She said when she heard someone say Eaves vs Donelly and that state of QLD she just thought it sounded enormous and it was only then that she comprehended what a big deal it was.
I sat at the bench before the judge entered and went into a deep deep mediation to try ground and centre myself. Ive always loved that statement about peace meaning not to be away from chaos its means to be right in the middle of it and still be calm in your heart. One of my friends positvely called out from the gallery 'go erin brocovich' bless her, to which I replied what do you mean Erin Brokovich? Erin Brocovich had a lawyer. It was daunting sitting at the bench alone, there is no word quite appropriate other than daunting. It had taken me 5 years to get there and I didnt want to blow it. Anxiety is an understatment.
One of the barristers leaned back and said to one of their other solicitors - we will be out of here lunchtime - 3pm tops. She was the barrister that spoke throughout the matter, Id previously seen her at mediation and wondered if she really was a woman, hard as nails, more so than any man Ive ever met. Like what you would imagine when you think of a head mistress at an all girls private school. So making it to day 4 was an achievement in itself. She was hard when the judge was there and in between breaks the kind of comments made to me were one that a bully would make at school while the teacher isnt looking.
As the judge entered he explained that someone was going to win and someone was going to lose, and was I aware of that? To which I replied. Id never treat a fellow human being the way I was treated on that day so Id already won. After I said that I felt this big weight lift of my shoulders, as if the outcome was not as important. I was trying to stay a little realistic, I was in their playground afterall. These people had spent years to get not only getting law degrees but then working in law. In saying that, I also had faith that something much bigger than any of us would support my journey as I stood there.
As the first day began, the other side popped up numerous times like a jack in the box and gave arguments as to why the matter should not be allowed to proceed all that I could hear was under setcion 236 of the civil such and such procedure 431 and the policy 847 of the injury act in 2005 pertaining to new legislation in the case such and such vs such and such, and I thought to myself if I even listen to this Im going to get bamboozled and lose my way, I had no way of matching it. So I went into my shell knowing all they were really telling was 'a story' I knew what happened, I knew it was wrong, and unlawfull, and I just wanted the chance to put it to the judge.
Instead I responded to all her objections to proceeding as a normal person speaking common sense. "Your honour this arrest was unlawful". The Police have very deep pockets, it was always going to be a case of who would run out of money first, and it seems it was me. I dont think that is a good enough reason for justice not to prevail. Very well he said. And in Judge terms he sternly told the other side he would be allowing the matter proceed.
My folders containing all my paper work had big pictures of OPRAH with a caption that said "AH HA - THE POWER OF A MOMENT" and Oprah hands in Prayer, smiling at the sky. All my papers were held on the bench by various healing crystals as paper weights. And I had an ark angel michael pendant on my belt. Im sure they thought they had the whole matterr in in the bag, a self represented single mum that walks in with crystals as her defence and legal folders covered in pictures of OPRAH. They were rubbing thier hands with glee, I guess thats the reason they didnt see me coming. I expect they thought I was somewhere between legally blonde, erin brockovich and a hippy.
The good thing about them dragging the matter out for nearly 5 years was that not only did i have time to heal, it gave me time to go over the incident and most importantly I matured. I always believe that every thing happens for a reason and everything in our life is an opportunity to grow at a soul level. And like anyone that goes through turmoil, there are various emotions to get though such as anger sadness even depression, before you come to acceptance or forgiveness. I dont think I missed much in the way of the emotional scales. Not only regarding what orginally happened but the challenges I was faced by suing a massive entity that fights more fiecely than any other, and has the resources to do what they like to you means its a frightening journey too. For example the day before my trial I receieved an email in error from the crown law explaining that they were trying to hack into my face book account and couldnt, so they would ask the justice department to get them in for them. I knew it was wrong that they could not use their relationship with the justice department to start going through my private conversations because I was suing them. Those powers are to be used against crime not because they dont like being sued. But what was I going to do about this unjust situation contact the justice department? call the police and make a complaint... sue them? I kept the email and realised I needed to focus on my case. Id been talking to a friend thats a lawyer in the States, so it wasnt a great feeling knowing they probably knew alot of what Id prepared. For the next week I rang people from phone boxes and used other email accounts from computers in shopping centres. No point crying over spilled milk I had to accept in a sense thats what I was up against and be smart about it.
As the days of trial went on it was a rollercoaster journey, my least favourite experience was being cross examined by the crown law. They threw alot of rubbish at me to which I had to respond. I promised myself I would stay strong but when the judge asked me to re count the day of my arrest from the beginning I felt it all over again. I started shaking and crying and then got annoyed at myself because I didnt want to let the officer see me in this weakened state. I have a new understanding of how painful it must be for victims of any situation to have to re count it all to get justice. Then I told myself Renee why do you care what someone that did what he did thinks? The barrister delighted in it, she fought even harder while I was down she either delighted in it or she should get an acadamy award because it sure looked like it.
I felt like I had gone to war that day they cross examined me and because I was still under oath I could not speak to one single person about the case. I came home and sat on the floor of the shower and sobbed uncontrollably till the water ran cold. I wanted to call my friends for support and to ask what they thought of the day or of the case so far but legally I couldnt. So i sat by myself and undertook the biggest lesson in turning in. Finding that place inside. Because its there that you find your strength.
The best part of the trial was cross examining the officer, I had ace card after ace card up my sleeve and I liken it to being in a boxing ring little punch little punch little punch in a corner - then POW.
There is a very different feeling having a legal team represent you and representing yourself. You would think you would feel indestructible and more intimidating with a legal team, but I can honestly say regardless of the army they had, I felt I unleashed a strength that even I didnt know that I had standing up and representing myself, my beliefs, my understanding of the law. I only wish anyone that had suffered got the opportunity to stand up to the perpitrator in that environment.
During cross examination I put him through what I had been through the previous day when being cross examined and he looked drained of life and went home under oath like me, unable to talk to anyone. My favourite part was seeing him deny certain things said on the day of the arrest, i let him deny as much as he wanted to, then pulled out audio to support my claims, and then seeing him attempt to find a way out. He answered with a lot of tangled answers that would confuse anyone, but as he did that I stared at the carpet beside me and started alligning and clearing my chakras. After wards people asked me what I was doing because apparently I looked like I was there but I was in another world momentarily, I felt it was important to try and have no ego, to respect him as a human being, to asked the questions clearly and firmly, I didnt want to reek of a victim that was after revenge, and I refused to buy into his story. If I let him hook me I would have responded very personally and I couldnt afford to get personal I was my lawyer.
On the 4th day of the trial I couldnt help but lean back and say to the barrister that was so sure we would be out of there lunch time on day 1 - Oh my, we live to see another day!
As the formalities were over the judge decided to take the matter away to make a decision but regardless of how much I am compensated I already feel as if I have won in the true sense of winning. I began to walk past the officer as i left the bench and noticed although the police force sent representatives- the whos who of who, he didnt seem to have any friends or family. So I turned around before walking out the courtroom walked up to him in front of everyone in the gallery and said I just wanted to say to you that I forgive you, Happy people dont treat other people the way you treated me and for that Im sorry, I just needed to see this matter through to the end and that when we both walk out this door I no longer hold annomosity towards you. He looked at me with the most sincere face and said "Thankyou" I walked by his barrister and winked at her, her black cloak, her wig, her trolley of folders, and wondered why I was so scared to start with, there was nothing truly powerful about her at all. Id just forgiven someone I thought I hated because I had compassion that he was there alone, to me that is powerfull. There wasnt a dry eye in the gallery. And with that being said I picked up my folder with OPRAH on it that said "AH HA THE POWER OF A MOMENT" and realised I myself had actually just experienced the true power of a moment.
