I read a beautiful quote once about the most important things in life cannot be seen or touched - only felt with the heart. Wow, wouldn't it be brilliant if we could peel the layers back in everyone we encounter in an instant to reveal their true heart,? Kids are wonderful at that aren't they?
So often families or partners will use the phrase " I love you" and whilst it is complete music to most of our ears, it can be a confusing phrase if it is not coupled with gestures or acts where love is being demonstrated and applied to in various inpromptue scenarios.
This isnt just about men demonstrating love by doing the dishes when we want flowers and poetry or visa versa, its about really needing the demonstration of love to kick start the actually feeling of love.
Ill firstly use the example of women I speak to in the women's refuge. Here they are black and blue inside and out and when asked if they are thinking about returning to their abusive environment a majority of them quietly mutter in between sobs I don't want to, I know I shouldn't " But I love him". My goodness most people gasp, how could she love him after he did that to her? Is that a sign of unconditional love or would you think she has lost perspective on what real love is as we know it to be? Whilst this scenario could be broken down and opinions given that a psychologist could have a field day with, the most important point is not whether the love she feels for this person is real or not, but does she love herself enough to remain with someone who has the inability to demonstrate love as most people know it and does she even know what real love is to know that this treatment comes from someone that doesnt have the ability to demonstrate the love that he might feel. That's why it is not uncommon for example, to hear of women that think they got hit by the 'unlucky stick' by having 3 consecutive partners that all happened to be violent. It s just the same life lesson over and over again to pose the question and force the soul to evolve to the point of the million dollar question - are you ready to love yourself yet? He isn't demonstrating love to you, because you are not demonstrating love to yourself by way of boundaries, and so the cycle goes until what I always call the Universal King hit that comes in begging the question do you get it yet? And if you don't love yourself, lets start looking at why.
This can be a painful process to get to the core of, and blame is bound to come knocking on the door because ultimately the love we receive from our parents usually defines what we think love is. And if we haven't been shown that in a way that means something to us there is every chance your parents parents fell short in that area during their childhood too.
How we see Mum and Dad interact with each other before we even understand the words is the witnessing of the demonstration of love that gets stored in that little file way back in our head labelled 'love'. Did your dad worship your mum or did he take charge and belittle her, or was she his equal? How did she react to however he was treating her - with love and honour for herself or the helpless victim? it becomes ingrained in us so early, possibly even before that when we are babies, you think about it - we cry we get cuddled and we feel loved, or maybe your mum believed in controlled crying and only picked you up after so many minutes to teach you that your are not in control of how often she is to demonstrate love by cuddling you, and that she is in fact calling the shots. Ive often heard mothers say of new babies screaming in the cot "Oh he just wants attention", wow I think, yes of course what a manipulative 5 week old. ( That is purely my opinion as many mothers stand by the practice of controlled crying) I wonder though if tests have been taken on them as Adults to see the affect of such a method and if those same adults are still yelling please comfort me - but just in ways a thirty or forty something person does.
You only have to watch the news to see children that have been serverely mistreated when they are being dragged off by child services, and yet are crying and holding their little arms out for the very people that mis treated them. Is it unconditional love, or is it simply the only version of love they know? Or maybe it was part of thier life lesson to skip out on that love and they have a calling to help the masses that missed love in the early stages of life and have an understanding and comprehension or an awareness that you couldnt have unless you too were denied that demonstration of love so early on. Maybe they go on to do it to their own children or maybe they have been put here in this life as a catalyst of change to break the cycle, and be the opposite to thier own children.
Even as adults we sometimes live by the saying better the devil you know. We stick to what is familiar, not because it is normal but because we mistake familiarity thinking its comfortable when its anything but.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself where you normal bar has been set? And if it just familiarity you reasonating with. Are you drawing in what you think is comfortable because its familiar ?and have you become familiar with a version of love only to keep finding out its really not that comfortable?
The big thing is what is the lesson to be learned when we are not being demonstrated love.? Forgiveness is the answer to almost anything in my opion including that. If you want to really grasp the concept of why forgiveness is so powerful go out and get yourself a great book called Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping.
Its not about forgiving someone for treating you horribly, its forgiving that they weren't at a level to not only know better, but to apply better, forgive that maybe they love you but for whatever the reason have the inability to demonstrate love in a language that you understand. .
You forgive them for yourself to be free, because how can you then go on to demonstrate love to others holding on to all the resentment from the love you didnt feel? Then they didnt just affect you, they could possibly by default start affecting everyone you are in contact with. It has to stop somewhere so why not stop it at you by raising your awareness in this area.
If you are not feeling loved you are unlikely to keep responding with love, and you only hurt yourself - although responding with love may just be what the doctor ordered. I read a great book once called How Would love Respond - Kurek Ashley. Fabulous examples of how to turn situations around to respond with love no matter what, as a gift to yourself.
When someone fails to demonstrate love to you and you hit them back with love, there is only so much fight they can come back with, its natural that all of a sudden the situation begins to soften and the miracles of demonstrating love unfold.
My biggest life lessons came from a mother that told me non stop how much she loved me but her demonstration of love seemed non existent in my eyes. An example would be one like this : Id live in a certain area and she wouldn't visit for up to a year, when Id ask her why not, she would say - well Renee, you know I don't drive on the highway - which is true, she doesn't like to drive freeways. But each of the homes I lived in, I found there were always back streets available that could take her from her place to mine, sure they might have been the long way around, but they would have still got her there. To me, if I loved someone Id not only find out if there were back streets but if not, Id get a plane train and automobile to help me.
Because she didn't demonstrate love how I would, I constantly assumed she didn't love me. But just because you do something to demonstrate love doesn't mean others do the same and doesn't necessarily mean they dont love you.
Its funny with the healing and reading work I do now just how many women I seem to attract with various mother issues of the same nature. They start out with ahh Renee, seriously you cant possible imagine my mother. I take a big understanding compassionate breath full of love and light and reply yes my friend I do I really really do. And silently thank my Mum for the way she is because it gives me a level of understanding for so many people that I couldn't have experienced without her as my lesson. I forgive that she doesn't demonstrate love in a way I like and I am mindful that the people I have in my life I require to possess that ability to demonstrate love in ways that are important to me.
Our parents children or partners are often the characters put into our life to instigate growth and change at a soul level, so its by no mistake that they can be difficult lessons to navigate through. If someone around you does not, or cannot demonstrate love in a way which you need it, thank them and accept your lesson might be to demonstrate love to yourself first, and you will be suprised how many people feel comfortable loving, and being loved by someone who can demonstrate love not only to others but to themselves first.
The fact that you are taking a moment to read my blog leads me to think something within you feels a desire to explore another dimension, possibly another persective or some tips on finding that inner stillness we crave at a soul level. You clicked on the link and thought you might just have little look. Whatever made you choose to click at that split second was no mistake, it meant that at that moment you were vibrationally alligned with me.
woah woah woah ! I hear you say, vibrationally what??
The funny thing about people that are a on a spiritual path, or that have reached a level of awareness, it becomes second nature, they assume you and everyone else understands all the lingo such as vibrations, chakras, and divine timing. With all of that information available one can get really overwhelmed as there are so many branches that lead off some of the major topics under the umbrella of shall we say "spirutuality".
Myself personally, I was always this way inclined as a little girl, but like lots of people, life as it is, gets in the way, and we almost forget about the special place we all have access to deep inside any time to experience true happiness, peace, stillness, and joy.
It is only through doing readings and healing work on so many people that I started to realise I was connecting with them at a certain level and really shifting some big things, they felt vaguely familiar with what I was saying or had maybe read books along the same lines, but the penny hadnt yet dropped, whatever I was doing and saying assisted them in being able to not only undersand, but to absorb and experience the complete essence of what I was inviting them to see.
It was then that I began to think that I need to take everything I have learned and experienced and put pen to paper, and share what I know in a style that appeals to certain people. Those that read what I write have been directed to my writing by thier very own guides. Our guides take us to the people and places that have the information that is presented in a way that we will individually be able to understand, connect with , and benefit from. What I choose to write about is really nothing new, most of it has been written in various new age style books, you only have to read Doreen Virtue, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer to see where my inspiration orginated, its just my feeling though , that I need to take a little from colum A, a little from Colum B, then add my personal touch and experience so that the true essence of where Im coming from assists in shifting peoples energy to a place they may not have encountered before reading my words.
When I see a client first up, I tap into what they have felt in the past, and what they are experiencing emotionally in thier present state, I then articulate back to them the way I am feeling that they are feeling about things. No two people are alike, but I can tell you this much, every single person I see bursts in to tears. Its as if they are a boiling saucepan with a lid about to burst, and Ive finally lifted that lid. The relief is instant, - and the water from the saucepan so to speak begins to roll down thier cheeks in a steady flow. The fact that someone has actually felt their pain for a moment creates an instant bond and a sense of relief due to fact they are truly experiencing compassion at level you can only have if you have shared the same pain. Can you believe the person next to you on the bus or train could be feeling this way and still just trying to get about thier day? When we get asked how are you today no one is really asking the question and of course they dont get the real answer, imagine if more people started honestly asking and answering :) People often ask me if I get drained, and Id be lying to say I didnt get the odd person thats energetically knocks me for a six, but to be honest I have faith in my own guides and my connection to them and how far they will let me go before things will affect me. If I mediate reguarly, protect myself, ground, and stick to lots of raw food it isnt a problem. A big serve of meat, too many wines and a late night will leave me sitting there in front of someone struggling to get a single thing so I rarely do it, I dont like the feeling of being dis connected, Im only aware of how it feels to be dis connected since becoming so much more connected. So the topic of today is where thoughts go energy flows and the need to stay connected to yourself so that it benefits you and in turn the World. I last wrote quite alot on thoughts and choices and the combination of the two. Its a huge concept and one that is applied to books such as Ask and its is given, the secret or the law of attraction. The very basic meaning is just this - whatever you think about the most will manifest, even if you continually think "I dont want this to happen" or "I dont want that to happen" the energy and attention is still all given to what you DONT want rather than what you DO and more often than not as a result, you end up with what you dont want. Say you are attempting something like a new business and you keep saying things like I dont want to get 2000 business cards because what if business doesnt turn out the way I wanted, at that very instant you are giving into fear and giving energy towards what you dont want to happen, if you had spent that same 20 seconds visualising what you are going to do with all the money once your business thrives, and day dreaming about the possible positive what ifs, it has far more chance of being a success because energetically you are holding yourself in a certain vibration. You know when you are having a great day at work and you walk into the back room with everyone bitching or moaning the contrast of the vibration is really apparent isnt it? at that point you can choose to sit amongst the negativity and have your own vibration lowered or move back out of the room. The moment you lower your vibration you only draw more of the same in, as 'like attracts like', Think of the emotions such as anger, revenge, jelousy. Ok how does that feel? Now think of Joy, excitement, love. Can you feel the difference within yourself just at reading the first three, then reading the last three? Read them again. That feeling you get is your internal Sat Nav system that is constantly trying to allign you with all that is good, when you surround yourself with too much negativity it puts that system onto silent mode, and you start to become really suscpetible to slipping into the same state the negative person was in that got the ball rolling. As you know misery loves company! Have you ever been to a beautiful lunch with a group of people the sun in shining and all of a sudden one person tells a horror story about thier ex partner? Before you know it the guy next to him then says 'Oh mate thats nothing. my ex did bla bla bla', it then becomes a battle of who has the worst story, before you know it everyone is re living thier own pain either sharing it out aloud or internalising it. One person has succesfully managed to bring everyone down to thier level. These selfish people are everywhere, do they stop to consider that they need to sort thier stuff and stop spreading negativing - no. So its up to you to be in fine form so that when this happens you have some quick exit strategies or a crafty way to change the topic on to something that will make you and everyone else feel good. Its not to say people shouldnt share their pain but there is a time and a place and unfortunatly people in pain are not very aware people and have no boundries in regards to where to draw the line, or how long is appopriate to share thier pain before voluntarily changing the subject, Its up to you to do the most important business deal of all time on behalf our yourself and get rid of negativity. Dont judge those people, just accept they are not ready to move forward and if they pull everyone else down along the way thats their way of hitting back at you for not acknowleding thier pain constantly. The point is - we all have to acknowledge our own pain and do something about it, its not up to the World to tip toe around you like you are Royalty. If you want compassion practice compassion, if you want love - love, if you want to be around positive people be postive. Start to be a shining example of what you want in your life and you will be really suprised the magic that can happen purely through being aware of the difference between postive or negative and acting accordingly. Spend time quitening your mind so that if you are not sure about things you have the ability to tap in to your own guidance that is constantly there to show you towards the light. xoxo
