So Who is Earth Angel Renee anyway ?

Who is Earth Angel Renee where did she come from? 

The term "Earth Angel needs an entire chapter to desrcibe how or why someone is or has become an 'Earth Angel' I personally like Doreen Virtues explanations. In any case being an Earth Angel is why I am here writing this article.

 There are general questions Id want to ask about someone that I was about to take advice from, or even listen to in a book if I wanted a little help.  Years ago I searched for books asking myself do they know the topics of what Im experiencing.  Pain, fear, sadness, depression, anger, what its like to struggle, emotional abuse, or poor self worth, old ideals and programming from childhood,  have they experienced  the world of ego and all the games that entails, what about the world of glamour and illusion and the perceptions that are born from the total disconnection in some of those people with those individuals becoming your reality on a daily basis,  have they witnessed greed or selfishness at levels that would make anyone’s blood boil? Do they know the various emotions that come with being a single parent such as to wake up and feel guilty before your day has even began.

These were the things I was experiencing,  Id get information from various books and people to assist me with my spiritual growth I never really found a book that hit the nail on head  in its entirety some came close, but in  any case, with all that I read I just applied a bit from column A and bit from Column B in order to help myself. Maybe the combinations of those and my experience will help you, or someone you  know. So many people have taken the time to write  and share with the intention to help another. The great thing with my experience is there is not alot in the emotional scale that I havent experienced  to its extreme.  I wish I would have known at the time it was for good reason and I was being initiated by a higher power and was actually in the process of  experiencing what I needed to, in order to do what I do now with  my healing and  readings and connecting with people. I now have faith even if I dont know the reason - that there is one. Its a great affirmation to say to yourself in times of confusion, I dont know the reason but I have faith that there is one. I say it over and over. Sometimes we are not meant to know at the time. Be Ok with that.

And to really put me to the test, those things I just mentioned were experienced all at the same time .Pinch me - really am I really still here?)   Me personally, there is nothing better than talking to someone that gets it from experience. No point talking the talk if you haven’t walked the walk.

   For many years I was put on the Earth to experience it all, I lived 10 lives before I was 30, a little voice always told me it was for good reason and the impact I was going to have on people was going to be beyond words.  I just never knew how when or why. But I knew.  The one thing  that has got me through and kept me going is my certainty, and when that was tested admittedly  my foundation started feeling shaky, but beyond the illusion deep deep down I sill had it. That can be very intimidating for some people, and Ive learned over the years to channel it ,so that if it comes from pure love and my true self instead of  a confidence that comes from ego -it definitely pushes less buttons in others which in its own right is a relief. The way  to invite  people in for me even when trying to teach, is not  to be in a space of 'see how great I am , listen to me look at me 'its more  'hey come and be great with me' let me hold your hand. There is no better space to exist in other than that for me.  I share my story not for the purpose of 'telling a story  because I need someone to listen, more as a sense of something tangible for you to understand I really understand you. If not with my psychic sense  - my personal experience alone. The combination of those two things though, is where the real magic begins,

 We all have a divine life purpose. For me it is to connect, reach and heal people at a level I would only be capable of doing through experiencing so much myself. I would like to honour my own journey so that not one little piece of my own pain has been  in vein. If what I write helps one person great, but I just know I am in the process of reaching out to the World and the universe is gifting me the stage and lighting in which to do it constantly. The stage feels like its moving from a high school auditorium  to Hollywood. Thats the message I get constantly from my guides.

 My vision is to heal the World one person at a time. I do this through the combination of those experiences, and the fact I am tele empathetic,  clairvoyant,, and clairaudient. For those that don’t know those terms -  I have the ability to tap into what a client or person is feeling  (only ever when invited) and articulate it back to them in a way that can relieve the pressure cooker, they will often say its as if I am sitting in their head,  I can read the energy ahead, and I can hear clearly what I am meant to be telling you. I connect with my guides and the other persons guides and work for the purpose of everyone’s highest good. I didn’t get these gifts for nothing though, although born with a basic psychic ability the rest was developed and finely tuned through practice, meditation and  the guidance from other gifted psychics healers light workers and angels.

The time I nearly lost my life and visited "the other side"

 Let me rewind it back 5 years and revisit the space I was in.   Well, if you would have been  from the outside looking in,  I’d previously been nominated for  Business Woman of the Year awards, so I guess some would say I was a clever cookie, I’d won “Miss Bikini World” against 65 other girls from around the world in the Bahamas, so I guess fair to say I looked the part, I drove a killer Convertible BMW, and I had boyfriends that resembled Brad Pitt, at times I had more money than what I could have spent.  This would seem like a glamorous existence, especially for someone that was teased at school and certainly not looked at fondly by the boys ever. However when these things are not built on a solid foundation and one part gets knocked down ,it has a massive domino effect, a spiral downwards thats similar to when your having a really bad day but all of a sudden youre having a really bad life.

There I was in this situation that was anything but glamorous.  A  single mum of a new born baby, born 2 months premature,  and fresh from an extremely abusive relationship. Due to my partners chronic infidelity with people that were high risk for things like Aids I was enduring tests every 3 months and in limbo waiting on results,  between that and a teething screaming baby not getting any sleep things were really bad. - Isnt sleep deprivation used as torture in the war to cause insanity? I was also facing possible cervical cancer,  and my bank accounts frozen from that same partners solicitor – perfect.  Not to mention caught up in separate law suit with the Police.  Speaking to my parents wasnt an option, I hadnt done so in  over 8 years, and I wouldnt have been able to accept the "I told you so dance". Even the fact I knew Id get the I told you so dance in itself  reminded me of my childhood and how unsupported I felt emotionally, which only worsened the pain.   Just when you would think life couldn’t have gotten any worse than that, for me it did.

 It was a morning I will call my call my Rock Bottom. Unconscious on my bedroom floor,, blood coming from by nose, mouth, and eyes and not breathing at all. Four  ambulance officers trying to revive me. I left my body and saw this whole incident like I was an onlooker.  The night before I  had needed to pause the pain, I needed sleep, I needed to pause so badly  paying no attention to the risk that it could be a permanent pause, it was a desire to pause that completely overtook common sense. I didn’t want to die but I was in too much pain to live. Where could I go that was in between? I had tried to keep myself awake enough to function as a mother but sedate myself enough to control the panic attacks the anxiety and depression that consumed my every minute.  A coma it turned out, was to be that place.  Id overdosed on prescription medication in my quest to pause. Id had morphine for the killer migraines Id been getting and came home only to add my own concoction of sleeping tablets and a handful of other prescription meds  to the morphine which was a deadly combination.

My soul was tired. I remember watching from above the paramedics trying to revive me, it annoyed me, I was enjoying the pause and they were interrupting me.  I wanted to let go but it felt as if I was being given a choice to stay or to go. I could see my little boy in the room next to mine.

What lured me back to the physical world at that split second? Love. True Love, the gift was that I now know the power of love.

Tell your story too  if you must - but  what is it really about? Are you going to re tell it so that it will benefit others or are you still stuck in being the victim ?

When writing this article I read back over and thought my goodness that really is a pretty tragic story. But the point is people have gone through far worse than me, there will always be someone with a worse story. Have you noticed at a social event someone will talk about a tragic ex partner and then 3 people seem to be able to top it? The key is to start looking for the blessing in disguise within your own tragic story, because their is always one. ALWAYS. There is always a lesson. If you start embracing obstacles like hurdles that are reminding you how high you can jump you will no longer be the victim. By changing the way you think to looking forward to your soul evolving from such lessons, you can start living in the present. Everything is an opportunity to add to your account titled ‘experience’. 

If you are not happy or in pain you are not alone

 I write this article with no real need for the dramatic grab, the truth is alot of people are in pain.  Really,  the amount of people I see with my healing and reading work I can tell you now, that there are people who look just fine, just as I would have, and they are not, I mean really,  talk about don’t judge a book by its cover! Some days I want a video camera to tape my sessions with people because it would really comfort you in a way to know just how not alone you really are.

   For me I used to find that because my pain or anger or sadness was always attached to many various stories of things that were happening to me, there was never a moment to stop and ask myself why these things actually kept happening to me in particular. I always say to people now  when they are in crisis that I learned from a very gifted woman - is this happening for you or to you? Surely I thought, no one could have this much bad luck!  I was never able to articulate what was wrong with me beyond the actual story itself, and whilst I was stuck in the feelings of the story or re telling the story to a friend, I must admit I got dribs and drabs of compassion, so I guess there were small doses of what I felt to be understanding at the time, but it was on a very superficial level. Everything about me screamed “look at me” but what I really wanted was please, someone look beyond me. The ‘me’ that we all put forward –our brave face to the world can sometime be our worst enemy, not that Im suggesting to be a walking talking billboard of your problems, but more taking time out from putting on the brave face as much as possible to honour that you are not in a great space and could do with some time to connect to yourself again.

IIn a world we were are on an eternal hunt for ‘the one’ or a soul mate’ what are we really  looking for? In a sense really, its a witness, someone to validate the pain or joy we are experiencing. Someone to hold our hand when it hurts or a soft place to fall. But what about when we think we have found that hand to hold or soft place to fall and the hand lets go and we aren’t landing on a pink fluffy cloud,  more like a cold concrete floor? Do we move on or get stuck in the cycle of getting even, revenge, poor me and bitterness?  At some point there comes a time we are forced to stop for a moment, to stop looking outside for the answer, or the happiness or the compassion, because it has to start from the core of you, you have to not only love, but truly understand yourself before anyone else can. Or else the type of witnesses you are likely to have around are just mere cheer squads to drama.   The people your energy will  draw in are just a crutch or a band –aid  and you will never get to the wound.  You will always be on your way to the destination never truly present in the journey. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a person in this state if you care is to walk away from them. The same way every person with a drug habbit needs an 'enabler' dont be someone's enabler, sometimes by helping people in this state we are blocking thier lesson. As much as we want to show them the way, tell them what they need to do, fix the problem for them all we are doing is blocking their chance to evolve. This doesnt mean dont help people down and out it means if they are pulling you into their drama step back dont try to fix it because that energy is bound to bite you.

This has been one of big lessons for me and I have to practice it constantly, I see whats coming up for someone and being the person I am it comes naturally for me to want to show them how to avoid whats coming up.

I, I, I,  ME ME ME 

In a world of I phones, I pads,  and face book  there is even more opportunity to fall into the space of look at me, I, I, I  me me me -  "vote for me' , listen to me,. Computers  can be an easy  escape,  if the escape is not found in todays technology, the escape can be alcohol, drugs, and other destructive addictions. Anytime I see anyone doing any of these in excess I send them love and light as its an obvious sign they are disconnected from source.

 I remember such a time when my energy would draw in people that were well meaning listeners, they were the type of people though, that loved to hook on to drama, however I never viewed it like that at the time. Have you ever seen those people post on Face Book post something like “Im so over this place, and so sick of liars” or such and such is a **** and a string of people comment ‘oh babe are you ok’? ‘ Whats wrong hun’? ‘Call me’ on a public wall that everyone can see, as sincere as that may feel to the damsel in distress, her well meaning friends  are doing her no good.  Im not saying the people that would post such things are not in pain of course they are -  clearly. And some well meaning friends have replied, but they aren’t ready to own it, to deal with it, they are still just screaming someone look at me, can someone hear me?!  Will it really be fixed at level they need by their facebook friends showing concern?  Of course not.  There really is an underlying issue that they are not facing. Sometimes to face that lesson takes courage and can really take you out of your comfort zone. The places and lessons we visit that are outside of our comfort zone are just opportunities for huge spiritual growth. The moment we can view them us such rather than obstacles the easier we can evolve. After all what you fight against weakens you. Have you ever felt revitalized after winning a fight? I think not. 

After many years of not speaking with my parents and for reasons longer than any book has room for,  I myself had to dig really deep in this instance so I thought I might share it as an example with you.

For me,  when I was ready to forgive my mother and move on , I opened up to her despite the fact  I knew I would be witnessing the "I told you so dance"  I was ready for that reaction  on sharing all the above with her, which to me was daunting enough, however, I was not ready for the response I received in a conversation that followed.  Her response took me right to the core of my pain in one simple sentence.   . She said in  a completely calm and collected manner, "RENEE, you dont know pain, you havent experienced real pain"..  The grief I felt in that instance  was overwhelming. The lack of validation  and compassion from the very woman that brought me into this world was unimaginable, and beyond even my comprehension. Im sure what she might have meant was comparing being born into a third world country or to have parents abandon you as a baby or something, but the thing is when someone hits rock bottom it doesn’t matter how bad the ingredients are that got them there, and if they are worse than another person in the middle of Africa, rock bottom is rock bottom and Pain is pain. Plain and simple. So while sometimes it is good to see your situation is not as bad as anothers comparisons never helped anyone, whether they be good or bad.

At that stage it would have been very easy  to start finger pointing and playing the blame game, but then, that would have taken me back into the powerless victim role yet again .  I was aware of not wanting to revisit that space any longer in my life after what Id been through . The way out from that, for me was to recognise that she was at a certain place within her own journey.  Even when someone is older, such as a parent,  we are all at diffrent stages of spiritual growth. If your are hinging your happiness or inner peace on the response you want , or think you need from anyone  you will never find fulfilment .

When I shared my story with my mother, energetically I was in a really good place  even though her response threw me it only justified the very reason why I hadnt turned to her in the early days when things had all gone wrong. I silently thought to myself I cant believe Ive made it this far, I was actually starting to give myself some credit for how much Id been through and how resilient Id become.  Then what followed was the true test of my ability to go within. Again a one liner that knocked me for a six,  My mother then claimed obviously she had done something right because I had landed on my feet.  I was in disbelief  that she went on to take credit for my own ability to pull through. Id to that point spent the best part of 30 years trying to undo most of what she did and there she was claiming it all turned out in the end due to her  .ALthough it would be nice to have a parent display love in a way that I feel, my happiness, sense of self,  and emotional state is not determined by anything or anyone outside of myself and the truth is it was actually within me the whole time I just didnt have the know how to access it.

The blessing in disguise is actually beautiful as I have learned the most valuable lesson from my very own mother. So at a soul level it is more than believable that I did choose her before I was here as now I don’t allow anything or anyone to determine my emotional state or how I view what I am worth as a person on this earth.  So co workers, the general public or friends don’t quite have the ability affect me and my energy the way they may with other people. I have mastered the mother lesson, and I remind myself to do that doesn’t need to en tale me being tough .The test is to do it,  and still remain open hearted, feminine and soft